


We're in this together

by whatisthistho



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, I'm Sorry, M/M, Self-Harm, This is so angsty, i still suck at tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-09
Updated: 2014-04-09
Packaged: 2018-01-18 17:21:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1436524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatisthistho/pseuds/whatisthistho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam remembered the first time he saw Zayn. It was when they were called back on stage during X-Factor. Liam couldn’t keep his eyes off the raven-haired boy. His eyes captivated him for some reason. Liam always had a thing for eyes because they gave away all your emotions and Liam was good at reading them. He was especially good at reading Zayn’s eyes once they were put together in a band. Every day Liam fell a little more for the hazel-eyed boy. He learned his quirks, his bad habits like biting his lip when he was nervous, or how he’d never look directly at the camera in the beginning days of One Direction because he was shy and insecure about himself. (Liam may or may not have dedicated ‘what makes you beautiful’ to Zayn one night when they were laying in a hotel bedroom.) </p><p>Or the one where Liam loses himself after Zayn gets engaged.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We're in this together

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my god. This is horrible Susan only because it totally got away from me and has almost nothing to do with what you wanted. I'm sorry :c But hope this is still okay xx
> 
> Side note: This story contains self harm, if it's triggering please don't read and if you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you to talk to as I've done it myself in the past.

Liam wasn’t the jealous type, definitely not. After Zayn decided to go through with the plans management suggested about him and Perrie announcing that they were engaged, without telling Liam about it, he skipped past the jealous stage and went straight to furious. Liam was a really calm person; it took a lot to infuriate him. But this? This took the cake. 

Liam and Zayn had spoken about this, their relationship that is. Zayn promised, he fucking promised that no matter what management wanted him to do, he’d talk to Liam about it before doing it. Liam knew that no matter what, whatever management wanted Zayn to do, he’d have to do it but he wanted Zayn to be open with him and tell him about whatever it would be so that he doesn’t have a fucking heart attack and or breakdown in public once it was out in the open. 

Liam had straight up refused to have a beard, opting to stay ‘single’ to the world when in reality, his mind, heart and soul belonged to Zayn. 

Liam remembered the first time he saw Zayn. It was when they were called back on stage during X-Factor. Liam couldn’t keep his eyes off the raven-haired boy. His eyes captivated him for some reason. Liam always had a thing for eyes because they gave away all your emotions and Liam was good at reading them. He was especially good at reading Zayn’s eyes once they were put together in a band. Every day Liam fell a little more for the hazel-eyed boy. He learned his quirks, his bad habits like biting his lip when he was nervous, or how he’d never look directly at the camera in the beginning days of One Direction because he was shy and insecure about himself. (Liam may or may not have dedicated ‘what makes you beautiful’ to Zayn one night when they were laying in a hotel bedroom.) 

Zayn was incredible in Liam’s eyes. He was everything he could have ever asked for. When Liam got hate on twitter, Zayn would stay with him, cuddle him, and tell him that none of it was true. He’d whisper sweet reassurances in his ear all night until Liam had no choice but to believe him because Zayn sounded so sure about what he was saying, so sincere. Liam falling for Zayn was a slow process, all the little things added up to the big picture. The big picture being that there was no way out of this, out of Liam falling in love with Zayn. 

Their relationship was a slow process as well. Liam was scared to let Zayn know what he felt for him. Zayn was terrified of the hate he’d get if he came out. Being Paki and Muslim already gave people enough of a reason to give him shit. It hurt Zayn when he saw the terrorist tweets directed to him. He’d lock himself away in the hotel room to try and get over it, to try and ignore what people were saying about him. Liam would always find a way to retrieve his extra room key from Paul, having seen the nasty trends about Zayn on twitter, and crawl into Zayn’s bed and return the sweet nothings and reassuring words. He didn’t know if he was as convincing as Zayn was, all he knew was that after a while, the whimpers and tears stopped, his body stopped shaking with the impact of his sobs, his breathe evening out against Liam’s chest, hand clutching at Liam’s shirt like a lifeline. 

Liam was the first one to tell the rest of the boys about his sexuality. Although he was scared shitless of what they might say, he had to do it. He didn’t feel like he was being completely honest with himself and with them if he didn’t tell them. Of course, they all accepted him as he was, hugging him until he couldn’t breathe. Zayn, however, was quiet. He had this intense look on his face, his eyes void of any emotions. Liam wondered how he did that and if it was learnable. At first, he was scared that Zayn would distance himself, that he read into Zayn’s actions and emotions wrong but, that night, Zayn was the one to crawl into Liam’s bed and press his face against the juncture between Liam’s shoulder and chin, his hand, yet again clutching at Liam’s shirt. He didn’t say anything that night; he simply places a soft kiss against Liam’s neck and that was enough of an acceptance for Liam. 

When Zayn came out, it was by accident. They were drunk of off the liquor supplied in their hotel room. They were all talking about past relationship and Zayn let it slip that when he was 14 he kissed his best friend, Danny. Everyone grew quiet and when it dawned on him what he just said, Zayn made to get up and leave, to run away, but before he could, he was engulfed in a group hug, Liam hugging him the tightest and Zayn’s heart felt a little less heavy after that day. 

Liam wasn’t an aggressive person; he was much like the personification of a puppy, like the fans said. Zayn thinks Liam’s pout was what got him. How his lips would form into a pout when he was thinking about something, when he was confused, when he didn’t get the punch line of the joke Louis just told. Zayn use to be scared of getting close to Liam when they were first put together. Liam use to look at him, so intensely. Zayn thought he didn’t like him. But through everything, dealing with the fame, the hate, the signings, the large crowds of fans, the concerts, Liam was his rock, the person he could lean of if he felt like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. When Zayn felt like he was drowning, Liam was his own personal life savor. 

Liam and Zayn soon became LiamandZayn. They were no longer seen as two separate people, they were one. Harry and Louis came out to them not too long after Zayn did. Niall had said ‘Does this make me gay by association?’ with the most serious face he could muster, prompting the boys to burst out laughing. 

Niall was the only straight guy in the band. That is until an eventful game of truth or dare brought to light that Niall would in fact kiss a guy if he deemed him worthy of his Horan lips. 

Niall was a basket case.

Except, not really. He might be the only sane one in the band.

Harry and Louis have to deal with the same thing as Liam and Zayn. Louis had a girlfriend, a beard. Harry and Liam leaned on each other when it got tough for them. They understood each other in a way no one else would, no one else could. But this time, Liam didn’t think Harry could help him because he was spiraling and the only one that could grab him before it was too late was Zayn. 

The more time Zayn spent with Perrie, the less he was noticing the way Liam was acting different towards him. That hurt Liam more than the engagement itself. Liam could see the way he looked at Perrie with love in his eyes. Liam would know because Zayn looked at him that way, or at least he use to. After the engagement was announced, Zayn spent way more time with Perrie, completely forgetting his boyfriend. 

Liam was spiraling. 

Liam’s hand shook as he held the blade between his thumb and index finger. He stared at the skin on his forearm.

‘Zayn and Perrie seen all loved up and cuddly at a coffee shop in London’

Liam closed his eyes, willing the tears away.

‘Zayn says Perrie is the best thing that’s ever happened to him’

He pressed the blade to his skin, not even feeling it as the blade sliced his skin with the slow drag of his hand. 

‘Zayn and Perrie talk children’

Liam felt the tears slide down his cheeks, falling on his forearm and burning his new wound but didn’t let up. He simply poured his emotions out on his own skin; he took it out on himself. It was the only thing he could do.

Liam had been cutting himself for a few months now. It gave him relief and helped him deal with being around Zayn and pretending to be happy for him during interviews. It helped him get through Zayn’s kisses and tender touches, making sure he never saw his wounds. 

Zayn began noticing sometime after that Liam wasn’t the same. He wouldn’t goof around with Harry; he would entertain Louis and his lame jokes, he wouldn’t cuddle Niall when he’d ask. He’d just walk away silently and go to sleep. 

“Do you guys know what’s wrong with him?” Niall asked one night after Liam walked away from them again. 

Harry stayed quiet, plucking at the invisible lint on his sweats. Louis looked over at him, nibbling his lower lip.

“Haz?” Louis prompted but all Harry did was shake his head, stand up and walk away.

Louis looked at his retreating figure, wondering what happened and what Harry knew. 

Niall bit his lip and looked over at Zayn. 

“Zayn?” Niall asked. 

Zayn shrugged. “Beats me mate.”

Niall narrowed his eyes at Zayn, standing up. 

“The fact that you’re still sitting here and not in the room with Liam says a lot. Liam always said your eyes gave away what you were feeling, Zayn. Wanna know what I see in those eyes of yours right now?” Niall asked, standing directly in front of Zayn. Zayn looked up, swallowing. 

“I see guilt.” Niall said, shaking his head.

Niall wasn’t stupid. He was much more perceptive that the boys thought, he just played like he was oblivious. Liam was broken and if Niall could see that and not Zayn, Niall felt like he needed to punch Zayn right now, for Liam’s sake. But he didn’t, he just walked away leaving an even guiltier looking Zayn behind. 

Liam bit his lip hard, willing the tears in his eyes to just go away. He thought by now he’d have cried out all the tears in his body. This is probably the 10th time Liam walked away from the boys and not once did Zayn follow him.

Liam added a new line to his collection on his arm for each time Zayn dismissed him. 

Liam was in the bathroom, razor blade in hand as he slid another line across his arm. Liam had long forgone wearing anything but long sleeved shirts. Harry always sent him these worried looks, always asked if he was okay, if he needed to talk. No. Liam didn’t need to talk to Harry. He didn’t need anyone anymore. All he needed was his razor. His razor was his best friend. 

Everything hit Liam at once, the hurt, the loneliness, and the pain in his chest every time he breathes. The fans all noticed Liam wasn’t the same. Believers in Ziam all tried getting Zayn to notice but Zayn never did. Zayn never spoke about the engagement with Liam either, not before, not after. Nothing. He shut Liam out and Liam was fucking broken. 

He didn’t know how to be Liam anymore. It was always LiamandZayn. He didn’t recognize himself anymore. Liam was so done. 

Suicide never crossed his mind. No. His razor just helped him breathe again when his chest was constricting from the tears he was holding back. 

The day Zayn found out, Zayn wanted to take all Liam’s pain away, wanted to make himself suffer because he hurt Liam, his Liam. He got lost along the way. He was so caught up in everything that he lost sight of what was important. 

Zayn’s heart broke the night he saw Liam with a razor to his wrist, tears on his cheeks and a picture of him and Liam beside him. 

Liam didn’t expect Zayn to come looking for him. Why would he? Zayn didn’t care.

Liam had his back pressed against the cool wall of the hotel bathroom. His razor was set between his thumb and index finger yet again. He had a picture of him and Zayn beside him, but he refused to look at it. He was looking at his arm, debating where he should take his pain out. The skin on his arm was raised even though it was healed from the amount of times he’d cut open the same wound. 

Sighing, he leaned his head back against he wall and just drew the razor to his skin, so lost in thought, he didn’t realize the bathroom door was opening and Zayn was yelling at him while grabbing the razor out of his hand. Liam looked up to see hazel eyes full of fear, pain, guilt, sadness and tears staring down at him. 

Liam must have finally run out of tears because all he did was stare blankly at Zayn, he saw his mouth moving but Liam wasn’t hearing anything. He saw the tears falling from his Zayn’s eyes. He saw the fear and panic in them once they roamed Liam’s arms, taking in all the scars, old and new. 

Zayn shook Liam out of the trance he was in. 

“Liam! Fuck. Liam, please!” Zayn pleaded as he let out a sob at Liam’s unresponsiveness. 

“Babe. Why? Why are you doing this to yourself? Oh god.” Zayn said, grabbing Liam by the neck and pulling him to his chest, holding the broken boy against his chest.

It was then that Liam seemed to come to terms with what just happened and his eyes filled with tears and his hands clutched at Zayn’s shirt, his skin. His body shook with the impact of the cry Liam let out. Zayn held him tighter, kissing his head repeatedly like it would fix the boy in his arms. Liam’s body was shaking, his cries filled the bathroom. It was loud enough that Harry, Louis and Niall heard and came running in. Harry took in the way Liam was crying, covering his mouth with his hand, his own eyes filling with tears. Louis held his boyfriend as he tried to hide his own tears. Niall bit his lip, never having seen Liam cry like that. The sounds escaping Liam’s lips were raw emotion. Niall couldn’t stop his own tears from falling as he listened to his two best friends cry in each other’s arms.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Liam. I’m so sorry.” Zayn kept whispering in Liam’s ear. Zayn felt horrible, he did this to Liam. He broke him. His perfect, perfect boy. 

Liam pulled away from Zayn, looking into his red eyes. 

“Do you really love her?” Liam’s voice shook with each word. 

Zayn’s heart shattered at how vulnerable and scared of the answer Liam sounded. He shook his head furiously, wiping the tears from Liam’s cheeks even though it was replaced with more. 

“No, no, no. I don’t baby. I love you, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to do this to you.” Zayn pleaded, his eyes never leaving Liam’s.

Liam’s eyes searched Zayn’s for any trace of a lie, anything that would indicate that Zayn was hiding something from him. When he found nothing, Liam bit his lip and let out another soft cry before hugging Zayn tightly again. 

His grip on Zayn was like a vice but Zayn wasn’t letting go regardless. 

Louis had to take Harry out of the room after seeing the scars on Liam’s arms. He had to sit his boyfriend down and hold him while he cried for Liam, for Zayn and for himself. Harry realized that that could have been him instead of Liam. Harry understood. Harry was scared. 

Niall didn’t know what to do but sit between both couples. He didn’t know how to fix this. Niall felt useless … until he thought of something. 

“You’re both coming out.” Niall said, staring at the wall then back and forth between both couples. 

“All of you, I mean. Fuck management. Fuck what the non-supporters are gonna say. This isn’t healthy. You guys love each other. You can’t keep doing this to yourselves.” 

All four boys looked at Niall as he stood up and grabbed his laptop. He turned it on and brought his twitcam page up after tweeting out that he would be doing a twitcam right now. 

Liam’s tears didn’t stop, Zayn’s tears didn’t stop. Harry was still a mess and Louis was, well Louis was trying to keep it together for all of them. 

As soon as Niall logged on and started up the twitcam, he watched as the viewers sky rocketed. Looking at himself, his eyes were red and you could tell he was crying. Niall shook his head.

“Niall, what are you doing?” Louis asked from where he was on the bed.

Niall ignored him.

“Hello. I just … we need to do this yeah? I don’t give a shit about what kind of shit we’re going to get after this but I can’t see my best friends, my brothers go through this.” Niall turned the laptop in Liam and Zayn’s direction, showing Liam in Zayn’s arms, tear tracks on both their faces, the disheveled looks they were wearing and caught Zayn bringing Liam's wrist to his lips, pressing soft kisses to each scar. Then he turned it the other way towards Harry and Louis who in a similar position. Louis was wiping the tears from Harry’s cheek. 

Niall then turned the laptop back to himself.

“My best fucking friends are losing it because they can’t be together the way they should be. Zayn isn’t fucking engaged to Perrie. Zayn and Liam have been together for the past 3 years!” Niall practically shouted. 

“Harry and Louis? You guys were so spot on about them from the beginning. Louis isn’t dating Eleanor. He’s with Harry. They’ve been together for the past 2 and a half years…” Niall said, deflating a little bit.

He paused, silence taking over. None of the boys said a word. They were all looking at Niall. 

“I’ve never seen them this broken before. Especially Liam. Do you know what it feels like to see Liam cry?” Niall shook his head softly, eyes glancing over at Liam to see him holding back more tears. 

“Let them be. They love each other. I never seen people love each other the way these four do. Harry and Louis. Their love is so fucking beautiful. You guys know this. When they’re by themselves, no camera’s no fans… they’re so at ease. They make me want to fall in love.” Niall said, his eyes filling with tears again. His phone started ringing off the hook but he ignored it. 

“Liam and Zayn? God. I don’t think anyone could love stronger than them two. Maybe Louis and Harry but I’d say its equal. Zayn and Liam complete each other. They’re each others anchors. Each other’s life savors. They deserve to be happy, all of them.” Niall stopped to wipe away the stray tears. 

He ignored all the comments on the side.

“If you have a problem with this. With them? I mean this is the nicest possible way. You can go fuck yourselves.” 

Niall heard a snort and looked over to see Liam giving him a watery smile. 

Niall smiled back and nodded. 

“Larry and Ziam. The only ships that exist.” Niall said with a small smile then disconnected the twitcam and closed the laptop.

They were all quiet for a while, all ending up sitting on the ground besides Niall. 

“We’re screwed.” Louis muttered, causing them all to laugh lightly. 

“Yeah, we are. But it’s worth it, yeah?” Zayn said looking at each boy slowly. Everyone nodded their head.

“I’m here for you guys.” Niall said. 

“My gay group of best friends.” He said with a small smirk.

He earned a punch to the shoulder from each one of his gay best friends.

*

They were in deep shit. Management was pissed but the fans were happy for them. They were surprised with the support they received, as well as management. Niall hated the attention he was getting now that he was the only single, straight guy in One Direction. He knew this would happen but he’d deal with it, as long as his best friends were happy, Niall was happy. 

Liam improved and stopped cutting because Zayn was all his again. Louis and Harry were happier now that they could hold hands in public. They were even bigger now than they were before. Management was still upset but they’d get over it.

Larry and Ziam were real. No doubt about it. 

One night, while the five of them were sitting together Louis ended up blurting out “Niall, what would you do if all of us kissed you right now?” 

“Wha-“ 

Before Niall could respond, Louis’ lips were on his then replaced by Harry’s, then Zayn’s then Liam’s. Niall’s eyes were wide.

“That’s us saying thank you. For what you did for us.” Louis said softly. 

Niall blinked.

“I love you guys, ya bucket of cu- dicks. ” He said then started laughing. 

“I actually liked those kisses…” Niall said more to himself, jokingly with a smirk. 

He couldn’t blame anyone but himself for the shit load of kisses planted on his lips throughout the rest of that night. 

“I’m still straight…” Niall mumbled sometime later, causing all the boys to burst out laughing. Niall smiled to himself, glad that everything was back to being abnormally normal again.

**Author's Note:**

> Two stories in one day, I'm on a roll ~  
> Comments are appreciated x


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